Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
