tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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