hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
