you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize