1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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