There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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