Just fell off a train. Bad.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
