apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
