we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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