My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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