just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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