Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
