i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
