Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize