So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
