I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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