he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
