I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
