There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I could fuck to npr.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
