Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
