I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
