He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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