come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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