Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
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The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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