is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
