There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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