I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
