i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
