Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
