One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
