Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
