this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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