everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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