Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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