glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize