I CAN MOONWALK!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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