He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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