This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
