nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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