burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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