Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
