I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im holly from the hills drunk
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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