go do what you do best...puke behind churches
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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