come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
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You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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