So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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