He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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