3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
