I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
everyone is single if you try hard enough
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
