is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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