So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
