He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
