I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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