You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
