I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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