btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
