Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
