I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
