i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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