I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
