hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
These tits shall not be calmed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
