we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Randomize
