How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize