I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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