hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
