He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
