You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
