She is in my trunk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
